I need help removing her.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
