p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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