I can tuck mytits in my pants
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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