Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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