my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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