I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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