I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
3pm strippers are depressing
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
