Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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