so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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