What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
try to milk me bitch
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
