Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Its about making memories worth repressing
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it's great music for shaving your balls
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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