yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize