wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
