he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
