i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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