I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
