I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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