if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Found the puke drawer
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
