Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
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