Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize