I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
