i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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