Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
