It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
