i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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