I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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