Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize