Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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