This is not my ceiling
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
