Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's blow job season.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
