If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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