How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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