kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
