i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
