My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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