how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
