I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
