how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
