we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
