you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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