It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
