It's Friday. Sex?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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