yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
