i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
