my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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