Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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