I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
