Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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