Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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