I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
