This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
