It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
