playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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