i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
