Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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