"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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