can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize