I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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