ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
