he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize