Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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