my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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