I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
