Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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