Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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