my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize