So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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